A Month of Memories

 My dear friends. I have officially been in Rwanda for an entire month. I keep praying that time would slow down, but instead I feel like it is slipping at my fingers way too quickly. I have found myself cherishing every moment I have left in this beautiful country. So much has been happening in this one short month that I have found it hard to sit down and tell you all about it. So, that is exactly what this post will be. All about my experiences, discoveries, things I have learned, joys and hardships that I have faced along the way.

They call Rwanda, “The land of a thousand hills”, which perfectly describes what I have seen. I am surrounded by rolling green valleys and mountains (or hills as they call them) that still manage to take my breath away. This tiny country, that I almost missed on a map, is filled with over 10 million people. You walk out your front door and are instantly moved by the beauty: Women balancing baskets of fruit on their heads. Tiny babies tied onto their mother's backs. Sugar canes balanced on the back of bikes. Motos weaving in and out of traffic. Colorful shops lining the streets with music and dancing filling your ears. This is where I find beauty. This is where I stand in awe of God. So many cultures. So many countries. So many languages. Each so different and diverse. And yet, we find ourselves united together through the power of Christ.

A couple of weeks ago I went to view the Genocide Memorial. In 1994, twenty-two years ago, Rwanda experienced one of the worst genocides in modern history. Close to 800,000 people were killed in only 100 days. Mothers. Fathers. Daughters. Sons. Innocent Children. All having their lives taken from them. As I walked through, I felt my body start to go numb. No words can adequately explain the emotions I experienced that day. As I stood and stared at the hundreds of skulls and bones that lined the room, my heart completely broke for this country. As I quickly proceeded to the next room, in fear of completely losing it, I looked up to find walls covered in pictures of those who had lost their lives in this terrible war.  Family photos. Wedding pictures. Husband and wives. Grandparents and grandchildren. All gone. I remember thinking this has to be it. There can't be anything worse than this. That is when I reached the room completely dedicated to the innocent children who lost their lives. The room is covered in pictures and stories like sweet little David.

David, age 10, loved futball and wanted to become a doctor when he grew up. His last words were, “UNAMIR (U.N.) will come for us." Tortured to death.

I felt so much hurt, pain, anger, and confusion rush through my body. This is was someone's son. Someone’s daughter. This was someone’s family. Someone’s neighbor. Someone’s friend. Someone’s loved one, now just a memory. How does one comprehend a tragedy like this? I couldn't. I don't know that I ever will. One thing I do know is that Christ’s grace is sufficient. I can see that as I stand in the midst of what used to be a battle zone. I can see it as I watch a country that was destroyed by power rise up again from the dust. It has only been 22 years. Most of the people I know were alive during this time and yet I see them moving forward in ways I could never imagine. Rwanda has healed in ways that is only possible through the love and grace of Christ. So I praise Jesus for the healing and rebuilding that continues in this beautiful country.

One way I have seen God at work here in Rwanda is through the bible studies led with the DuHope women. Last week I started studying the bible with the DuHope women on Monday and Tuesday mornings. We are going through the Old Testament in search of better understanding the character and nature of God. I was so nervous when I was first asked to do this that I almost said no. Now, the time I get to study with them has become one of my greatest blessings. I get to witness them search deep within their souls and ask tough questions. I get to witness them talk openly about their own journey with God. I get to witness their struggles and their joys. I get to witness the power of God as I watch Him work through each and every one of their lives. I always tell them, “I am in this journey with you.” I often find myself without the answers or the right words to say and I think that is the beauty of this time we have together. I prayed that this would be a time where we could be ourselves. A time where didn't have to act like we have it all together. A time filled with honesty and truth. And that is just what it has become and more.

Another way I have seen God at work is through the new friendships he has created. Amy and Arianna have been such an incredible blessing to my life. They came to Rwanda from South Dakota to do an summer internship with Belay. These girls feel like family. They have been my rocks. Being in a new culture and environment has its peaks and valleys, and these girls have been by my side through it all. Through the tears and laughter. Anger and joy. Confusion and hurt. They have been with me every step of the way. We have made so many memories together that will last me a lifetime. It is not the extravagant ones that l hold closest to my heart, (although I do cherish those as well) it is the hours spent in coffee shops and restaurants where we share our testimonies, the things we have learned through the struggles we have faced, and the outpouring of love through it all. These are the moments I find myself clenching onto ever so tightly and never wanting to let go. I could sit here and write about all the other friendships I have made in this month, but I don’t have the time or paper space to do that, so I will save that for the next post. Just know, through every friendship comes blessings. And through every blessing, I am reminded once again of the goodness and faithfulness of our King.

This weekend I got to go outside of Kigali and be a part in some really neat things with Amy and Arianna. On Friday, we went out to a local village and volunteered at the school, Top Care Academy. There is just something about being in the midst of God’s children that uplifts and fills the soul. That is exactly what was happening this weekend. God was working deep in the depths of my soul as I was surrounded by His beautiful children. We spent the morning teaching English to primary classes one, two and three. The kids were amazing! After teaching English, all the classes gathered into a room and put on performances for us. They danced and sang many songs for us that ended up bringing tears to the brim of my eyes. The children, filled with such innocence and complete joy. Oh, dear Jesus! This is what He was talking about. As I watched them run and dance and sing with not a worry in the world I suddenly thought of Jesus. In Matthew 18, Jesus says these beautiful and powerful words. “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” I want that. As I watched the children and the love and joy they had I found myself longing for just that. I found myself longing for their innocence. I found myself longing for their unconditional love. I found myself longing for their overflowing joy. Oh, the beauty of children and the beautiful promises we are reminded of through them.

Saturday we went to the opposite side of Kigali to meet a man who was very special to Amy and Arianna. These girls are students at a University in South Dakota called, Dakota Wesleyan. Their professor adopted her daughter, Espy, from Rwanda. When Espy was born, she was abandoned in lowly ditch in the middle of the night. A man named Ettiene was walking home when he heard a faint cry. He didn't know whether it was an animal or a human so he froze and listened carefully. When he thought it might be a person, he followed the cries off the woven path to find a new born baby with the umbilical cord still attached. He wrapped the baby in a towel he had in his bag and ran her to the hospital, carrying her the whole way. Ettiene cared for this baby, but didn't have the resources or money to keep taking care of her. He had a newborn baby of his own to care for, so he took her to an orphanage and visited her often. Amy and Arianna are very close to Espy and their professor who adopted her, so it was so special for them to get to visit the man who saved her life. Ettiene talked about finding Espy and you could hear the love and care he still had for her after all these years. We ate and sang and danced and celebrated the blessing of new friendships. This weekend was filled with so much joy and hope. I keep finding Jesus everywhere I go and am reminded of his constant faithfulness.

Ways you can be Praying:

• Pray for the DuHope women. Pray that they would continue to open up and be receptive to the grace that Christ brings. Pray that they would continue to move towards accepting Him into their lives.
• Pray that as my time here in Rwanda nears the end, I would seek Jesus is everything I do, His light would be shown and His glory revealed. Pray that relationships will continue to be built and God’s love will continue to be poured over all I come in contact.
• Pray for Belay as they prepare to launch their next entrepreneurship training in July. They are in the middle of trying to raise all the funds needed to make it happen. Women are lined up waiting for this training in hopes of bettering their futures.
• Pray for Rwanda as a whole, that God’s love would be shown throughout the entire city.

Pictures:

Teaching English to the students

Students at Top Care Academy



One of the many "hill" in Rwanda

More Kids at Top Care

Ettiene's Family

Birthday celebration with sweet friends

Amy, Henery,Arianna, Me and Ettiene's daughters

week one

Oh, my dear friends. It has already been one week in Rwanda and my heart is so incredibly full. Wednesday morning I got to spend time with the Belay Staff as we retreated to a nearby lake in search of guidance from our Father as they take on a new year. These women. Each so full of passion. Their love for the women they work with. Their desire to bring each one to better and fuller lives. This is why my heart is absolutely overflowing. I have never seen a love so profound and vast. I get to work with these women. I get to watch them dream. Bigger than I could ever imagine. How is it possible I get to be a small part in this journey? This beautiful journey that God has set out before them.

Before Wednesday I was exhausted. Jet-lag had overtaken my body as I rested and watched movies all day long. I was tired and felt so inadequate. Satan. He comes in and attacks at my weakest moments. Ladies, I felt weak. I missed my family and friends. The culture was so different. I felt like I just didn’t fit. Can I just take a moment and let you know Satan didn’t win. Wednesday I experienced something like never before. As I spent the morning in prayer I suddenly realized my immeasurable inadequacy and that is when I found this calming peace. I am inadequate but Christ is not. When I see my words as not simply mine but His, what do I have to fear. When I put my life in the hands of Jesus all I can do is follow. I don’t have the wisdom or the experience to know how to give these girls what they need. Jesus does! How amazing is that. We don’t have to carry this weight of perfection and knowledge. All I need to do is get down on my knees and he will lead me. So I laid all the fears Satan had planted in my heart at the foot of the cross and I have never felt more confident in where I should be. Here.

These women that I have only known for one week feel like they have been a part of my life for so many years. They feel like family. I love them and see such value and worth in each and every one of their souls. Gabbie, this girl is so full of life and has better style than most Americans. She is the Rwanda Program Director. Gabbie has such a passion and love for helping the women she works with and their children. Pauline is so quiet and yet I feel this deeper connection with her. Pauline is not only is in charge of the finances of Belay but all the beautiful jewelry you bought from the DuHope women, Pauline designed. Monday she took me through the steps of how the fringe necklaces are made. She is absolutely amazing! Lise is the Business Development Director of Belay. She is really quiet and more reserved but when she speaks, you hear her love for what she does. She acknowledges the need for entrepreneur trainings and wants to do everything in her power to get these women on their feet, providing for themselves. And Jamie, this woman is absolutely inspiring. She has been such a blessing to not only work with but to learn from. I love sitting and listening to her tell me more and more of her journey and all the things she has learned along the way. I admire her, more than she knows. It takes such strength and love and passion to do what she does everyday. To see what she sees. To hear what she hears. To feel what she feels. This is her life. These women mean everything to her. You can see it in her eyes as she talks about them. Gabbie. Pauline. Lise. Rachel. Each so precious to her. One night as we were sitting in her living room she looked at me and said these powerful words, “I can never stop fighting for these women.” After spending one day with them I finally understood why. These ladies are already such big parts of my life. I want to join in this fight. And I want you to join with me. 

Anything

“I will do anything…anything!”  

I prayed this prayer in the middle of my bedroom floor with tears streaming down my face. You would have thought someone had died. I was sobbing. It was uncontrollable. Tears, they just kept coming. I was crying the ugliest of ugly cries because I was so in awe of Jesus and the love he has for us. I was so in love with Jesus that I wanted to do anything…anything.

A few weeks ago I started reading Anything by Jennie Allen. I love to read. It is something I truly enjoy. Some people can spend hours upon hours upon hours watching Neflix, (I am included in this category) but if there is anything I love more than Netfix, it is reading. It gets me, deep inside my soul. I get lost in the pages that are filled with adventure and hope and somewhere in the midst of it all I find my healing. So, I picked up this book and started away, unaware of how God was going to completely shatter my comfortable life. Jennie Allen has become my fan-girl Christian author. Her words are real. They are so real it hurts. I think that is why I adore her writing. I get it. Suddenly the words I am reading become God speaking directly to me. It’s uncomfortable. It’s challenging. Despite the hardships that you are bound to face, it’s worth every moment.

When I was sobbing through these words of turning my life over to Christ, I made the decision to die to myself. If heaven becomes real and Christ becomes real then suddenly all the earthly things we put up on our man-made pedestals don’t matter anymore.

Approval.

Acceptance.

Success.

Social Status.

Politics.

If heaven becomes real, then suddenly none of the things mentioned hold measure in our hearts. If heaven becomes real, then suddenly the approval of other women no longer holds power in our lives. If heaven is real, then suddenly the chains of our past, that have become heavy upon our shoulders, are broken and the weight is suddenly lifted. If heaven is real then we should be spending every second, every breath, every moment of our lives doing what God has intended for us. Heaven is real. Christ is real. So the question is, are we ready? Ladies, I no longer want to live a safe and normal life. I want to be a danger to the kingdom of the enemy. I want to face Jesus at the gates of Heaven and know I did everything He asked me to do. So I had to make the decision. I made the decision to lay my life, as broken and messy as it is, at the feet of my perfect and precious Savior. I traded my ashes for the beautiful life he has planned out for me… a life more abundant and free than I could ever comprehend.

I find myself constantly going back to the story of Mary. Can you imagine? Can you imagine the day Gabriel came and gave her the news? The news that would forever change her life. The news that informed her that she was going to become pregnant. But not just that, she was going to be carrying the Son of God in her womb and she would become his earthly mother. Really try and picture this. She was engaged. She had a life perfectly planned out for her and her soon to be husband Joseph. This is what every girl dreams about and it was at the tips of her fingers. The wedding. The home. The kids. Becoming a mother to the Son of God out of wedlock was not a part of the life she had so perfectly planned out. And yet this is how she responds:

My soul magnifies the Lord,

And my Spirit rejoices in God my Savior!

for he has looked on the normal estate of his servant.

For, behold from now on all generations will call me blessed;

for he who is mighty has done great things for me,

and holy is His name.

And His mercy is for those who fear Him

From generation to generation. (Luke 1:46-50)

Mary fully understood that this life we are living is temporary. She understood that Heaven is real and therefore the sufferings and pain she might endure didn’t consume her life. She was honored and quite overjoyed to get to be a part of God’s eternal plan. She could have said no. If her mind was set on earthly treasures and not that of heaven, she might have been more hesitant. This is her fiancé, her family, her friends. She risked everything for the kingdom of Heaven. Oh, how my heart wants this. I want a life that is so fixated on the beauty of Heaven that I can freely sacrifice everything I have to give. Jesus I will do anything. But not just that, to give everything I have with complete and utter joy.

It can be terrifying when you decide to give everything to Jesus. Everything you have worked for. Everything you have lived for. The seemingly perfect life you have worked so hard to build. You are giving God complete rule over your life. You are letting go of the reigns and following where he leads you. I don’t want to pretend like praying this prayer was easy. I am not going to pretend like I didn’t have my doubts. When I sat in my bedroom floor I kept questioning what it could mean if I prayed this prayer.

“What if anything means losing my friends?”

“What if anything means I never get married?”

 “What if anything means leaving the place I am most comfortable?”

 “What if anything means I lose everything?”  

And suddenly, in the midst of my fear and doubt, I heard the tender whisper of God calling me into relationship with Him.

“My daughter, do not be afraid, for I am with you.

Don’t be discouraged for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you.

I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

(Isaiah 41:10)

I fell to my knees in complete awe and wonder as I prayed the prayer that would forever changed my life. So now, this is where you come into play.

Are you ready to surrender your comfortable life and follow Jesus?

Are you ready to follow as he leads you to the life he always had planned for you? Are you ready to do absolutely anything?

Each of our anythings will be different. Just as God created us beautifully different in the womb, he has created our purposes just as beautifully different. Your anything may include

Adoption

Selling your home

Moving to a third-world country

Humility

Starting a bible study

Reaching out to your neighbor

Going on a mission trip

This list could go on and on. I expected my anythings to be big and flashy like packing up all my stuff and moving to Africa. Instead, I have found most of my anythings in the simple and quiet moments. That does not mean some of your anythings won’t be big changes. We serve a big God who has big plans for our lives. I say this because each of our gifts are uniquely different and the plans God has for us are so different. The beauty in this is each is equally important to the kingdom of Heaven. We each have such different but vital roles when it comes to our Fathers Kingdom. So as he starts to reveal your anything, I pray instead of comparing it to everyone else you will realize the beautiful and imperative role God has placed in your hands. I can’t wait to hear the beautiful stories that come from the beautiful prayer of surrender.

It is Finished

Jesus.

My friend.

My rock.

My fortress.

It hurts for me to think about this day.

The day my friend was beaten and scorned.

I can hear them yelling, “Crucify Him!”

I can see the pain and hurt in His eyes.

His body weak and fragile.

The smell of blood and dust filling the air.

The day he took up his cross.

He carried it upon His back, until he could no longer.

Sweat and blood dripping down his body.

My Savior, being ridiculed and spat upon.

Can your hear the cries amongst the laughter?

The day he was nailed upon a cross for all to see.

I can see Him hanging there.

The weight of every sin and shame heavy upon his shoulders.

When the time comes, he asks for a drink.

I can taste the sour wine they pressed to his lips.

As he pushes up, with one last breath,

he yells with everything he has left, “tetelestai”!

Jesus proclaims, “It is finished”!

The story of our redemption brings me to my knees every time. How can a story filled with so much pain and sorrow have so much redemption and joy? Jesus died a painful and gruesome death because he loves us so incredibly much. My human mind cannot begin to comprehend a love so deep and vast. Today I hurt as I think about the trials Jesus went through on this day. Today I also rejoice because I am truly free from the bondage of sin.  Through his pain and suffering I am free. We are so longer slaves to our sin. The chains have been broken. It is finished! Oh, beautiful lamb! Hallelujah.

So what are we waiting for? Lets run. Actually, lets sprint. I want us to sprint after Jesus. In Luke 9 Jesus says, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” It is time for us to take up our crosses and run towards eternity. Can you see it? It is so close. We are so close. Jesus is coming! Lets go together. Lets join hands and run towards a day where denominations will no longer divide us. A day when race will no longer separate us. A day when politics in all its corruption will be no more. A day when we, every denomination and race, will be joined together at the feet of our beautiful Jesus. Are you ready? Lets go!

My Journey to Rwanda

About a month ago, I was brought to a Missions Committee meeting at our local church in order to hear Jamie Boiles’ story. Jamie is a missionary in Kigali, Rwanda. She is the director of Belay Global (non-profit organization) that helps men and women create sustainable jobs for themselves in order to help provide for them and their families. Belay has two different biblically based trainings. Duhugurane training is tailored for educated, English-speaking Rwandans. Their dream is to develop Kingdom business owners, who are concerned not only with the bottom line of profit, but learn how they can have an eternal impact with their business and those they employ. DuHope is a ministry for women who are currently in sex work with a desire to leave. For these women, it is simply the only way they can provide for their children. It’s the only way they can survive. It’s desperation. On August 1, Jamie Boiles started meeting 21 women who were desperate for a way out. Two months later, days at DuHope are made up of Bible study, vocational training, fun games with kids, sharing stories, the occasional singing, and creating beautiful jewelry that gets better by the day. Jamie’s story is amazing and if she were writing this, she would move and capture your heart just like she did mine. I won't be able to tell her story. This is her story. This is her passion. You can see it in her eyes and feel it in her heart. So today, instead, I am going to share what God has recently put on my heart and where he is leading me. To find out more about the ministries Jamie is involved with go to: http://www.belayglobal.org/project/giving-some-duhope/

When Jamie spoke at Central, I think everyone left with tear-filled eyes and overflowing hearts after listening to her tell HER story; the story and path God had set out for her. I remember feeling so encouraged by the way God was using Jamie for the Kingdom. That night, we were messaging back and forth and she invited me to come and do an internship with her in Kigali. Quite honestly, my emotions were like a roller-coaster for a while. I was excited, nervous, scared, unsure...and then I would be excited again. My uncertainty caused me to keep a lot to myself. Satan was at work in my heart. He was planting doubt and fear deep inside my soul causing me to feel so inadequate. I spent day after day praying and crying out to God. I was in need of my Father. I knew this was something I couldn’t do alone. I needed courage. I needed strength. I needed guidance. God spoke to me in a powerful way reminding me of my ultimate purpose. It was time for me to surrender my life before the foot of the cross and say, “Here am I, send me.”

This summer I will be joining Belay Global for an eight-week internship in Kigali, Rwanda and  couldn't be more excited to see how God will work in and through my life. Spending my summer in Rwanda, I will have the opportunity to take part in some amazing projects, but more than that I will get to do life with these women. I will get to invest and study the word of God with 

women who are longing for hope. 

women who are in need of knowing their worth. 

women who long to be loved. 

women who don’t understand the power of grace. 

I get to be a small part in the bigger story. The bigger story is Christ and the path he has set out for me and each of these women. After a lot of prayer and consideration, I feel deep in my heart this is where I need to be. I sit here in complete awe of God and the beauty of how he calls us to be his hands, to be his feet, and to be his voice to people who are in desperate need of His love and grace. This summer, I expect my faith to be challenged and grow deeper in Christ by sharing His word to those I am surrounded by.

I’m so excited to let my light shine for Jesus while being challenged and changed into the woman God desires me to be. As they say, it truly takes a village to raise a child. I think I've finally been challenged to pursue something that I can't do alone. I want to go on this journey representing the people who have made me who I am. I want to go on behalf of my village.  I have shared milestones in my life with each of you and I want to share this one with you as well. As you keep up with me through this beautiful journey we will share tears, laughter, hardships, and take part in the growing faith through one another.

I would ask that you pray for me as I begin the efforts of raising support. I will be selling T-shirts soon as well as some other small fundraisers.  I will also be sending out support letters.  While acquiring financial support is an important part of any mission, I know God opened this door for me and I know he will provide for my needs.  Most importantly, I am asking for your prayers. I am asking you to pray that God will use me to show Jesus to people who do not know Him. Pray for my protection and my strength. Most of all, pray daily that God will continue to grow me toward a compassionate heart and sacrificial service for His glory.

If you would like more information on my summer journey to Rwanda please feel free to email or call me anytime. I would love to sit down and share more with you about where God is leading me. My email is: jaleynetherton@gmail.com  

Praying for Justice

This past week, I got to be a counselor at a church camp in Missouri. I feel like me being there was just completely a God thing. Between my work schedule and the short notice I shouldn’t have been able to make it. Amazingly my boss found someone to cover for me and I was able to go. Shortly after I found out I was going to make it I found out the theme this year was going to be social injustice. If you know me at all you know how passionate I am about this. God started putting this on my heart my senior year in high school and every day the need becomes bigger and bigger and my heart yearns more and more. This past week my heart was broken at the injustices that happen not only in the US but also all over the world. The incomprehensible lives that REAL people, just like you and I, live everyday.  The daily fight they face survive. The unbelievable situations they are put in.

Did you know?

•  An estimated 29.8 MILLION people live in modern slavery today
• Slavery generates $32 billion for traffickers globally each year
• Approximately 78% of victims are enslaved for labor, 22% of victims are enslaved for sex
• 55% of slavery victims are women and girls
•  26% of slaves today are children UNDER the age of 18
• An estimated 60,000 victims of slavery are enslaved in the United States.
• 1.2 billion people live on less than $1.25 a day
• Each year 2.6 million children DIE from being malnourished

The whole week I kept thinking of the day I hopped on a plane to Tegucigalpa, Honduras. The day I saw true poverty for the first time as I stood at the dump, and watched babies, children, mothers, fathers, people just like you and me rummage through trash as a way to provide for their families. I talked to 18 year old girls who didn't grow up with a mom and dad. They didn't know what it was like to be loved. I got to love on the children of Casa De Esperanza. I got to build homes in the community of Buen Samaritano. In the midst of it all, I got to see God's name being glorified everywhere we went.

This trip changed my life in so many different ways. My heart was broken. I was angry. I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand why God put them there and me here. It was hard coming home and sleeping in my warm bed. It was hard sitting at the dinner table with my family and eating a freshly cooked meal. It was hard hearing people complain about superficial things that DIDN’T MATTER. It didn’t matter because the friends I made in Honduras were fighting to survive and I had everything and more that I needed. It didn’t matter because they were sleeping in a cardboard box and I was sleeping in my 4 bedroom house with a/c and my memory foam mattress. It didn’t matter because while I was eating three meals a day my friends were digging someone’s leftovers out of the city dump so they can survive. It didn’t matter because while I take my parents love for me for granted there are people who pray for parents like mine. 

I found myself asking where God was in all of this? The truth is, he was everywhere. I saw Him in the children and the constant joy they had. I saw Him in the man who had nothing and prayed over me. I saw Him in the woman singing out praises to God in the midst of the city dump. I saw Him in the families fighting to survive. I saw Him in Terri Tindall and her love for people as she continues to establish ministries in order to spread Jesus' love throughout Honduras. He was there and He was at work! I would be foolish to not recognize His existence in such a dark place. In the midst of the dark, His light was shining bright for all to see.  Praise be to a loving, just, compassionate, and eternal Father. Praise be to Him for days to come. May I never forget the needs of those around us. May my heart never stop breaking. May my fire never burn out. May I always want to do more!

In October I will be returning to the place that forever captured my heart. I get the opportunity to rekindle the relationships made and create new ones. I get to love on more children and remind them of their worth to God. I am so excited to return and pray that God will use me in every way possible.

“You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.” Psalm 10:17-18

The Battle Belong to the Lord

John 13:7 “You do not understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.”

Some people are just a natural Joseph. No matter how low life gets they continue trusting in God whole-heartedly.  If you are like me that may be harder for you. For me, it is easy to say I trust God until I face a sudden curve in the road that challenges and puts my faith to the ultimate test. It is easy for me to say I trust God but it is a lot harder for me to surrender my life at the feet of Christ and say, “Here is my life. It is yours”. 

This time last year I never imagined I would be back home. I had my life perfectly planned out. That was, until, all my plans fell apart. I was lost. I was confused. I didn’t know what to do. Everything suddenly… changed. I am officially 20 and while all of the people my age have apartments and have started lives of their own; I am living at home off of my parent’s money. Most of my friends are in their 2^nd year of college and know exactly what they do. I have not been to college and I have no idea what I want to do. I used to go to church on Sunday’s and Wednesday’s and leave crying because everything was different. I am at this stage of life where honestly, nothing seems to make sense. I tell you this not so you will feel bad for me or judge me but instead, because it is real. My place of security is now the place I feel most insecure. My life that was perfectly planned out is now completely uncertain. In the midst of the all these things and changes in my life there is one thing remains and that is God and the plan he has for me. 

This past week I got to go and be a couselor at a camp in Missouri my church has been going to for the past few years, Ne-O-Tez. The theme this year was Spiritual Warfare and we focused a lot on the ways that Satan works in our lives and deceives us. I honestly think me being there during this time in my life was a God thing because all the things I kept hearing over and over were things I was currently dealing with in my life. When I left AIM I suddenly had this mindset that I had failed. That I had failed my family, my friends, myself, and even God. I became bitter and my relationship with God was starting to slowly crumble. I was becoming so hard on myself I started to hate the person I saw in the mirror every morning. Again, I say this not so you will feel bad or judge me but because this was REAL the battle I was fighting everyday. Satan was at war in my life and I was letting him win. I spent a lot of time in prayer and just searching for God. Searching for guidance and direction. That is when everything suddenly started coming together. 

Before I took my first breath of air God knew what my entire life would look like. You see, when I feel lost and don’t know where I am going; God is leading me to where I am supposed to be. When my plans suddenly fall apart that is when God’s plan is coming together. When I feel insecure and out of place, it is God going showing me that I am putting my security in all the wrong things. Being home has not been an easy road. It has been filled with many tears, hurt, doubt, bitterness, loneliness, feelings of failure and uncertainty. But, it has also given me the chance search beneath all of these feelings and truly find myself. Sometimes, it is hard for me to understand the way God works but I do understand that whatever he may be doing it is far greater than anything I could ever imagine. So praise God for change; it has opened my eyes to a whole new perspective on life. Praise God for hard times; it has taught me to rely on Him more than I have ever needed. Praise God for insecurities; it is a reminder where my true security comes from. Praise God for the constant love and faithfulness He showers upon us. I pray that this week I will have peace knowing that God is in control for the battle belong to Him.