A Chosen Priesthood

If you are reading this, I would imagine you have faced rejection somewhere along your journey. Every woman I have yet to meet has told endless stories of hurt and insecurities that ultimately lead back to this word: rejection. 

Rejection comes in many different forms. For some of you, it was a letter from a school you worked your whole life to attend. For others, it was a boy who constantly made you feel like you were not enough. Maybe it was a friend or a coworker who seemed to always keep you on the out. Maybe it was a parent who left you abandoned when you needed them the most. While rejection looks different in every person’s life, the results always seem to be the same. Someone is left feeling unwanted or unloved. 

In order to overcome the power of rejection we have to understand the power of whose we are. Jesus carried His cross to Calvary because He knew whose He was. He looked beyond the here and now and saw the bigger picture. Hear me when I say, our identity is not in our rejection. Our identity, what makes us everything that we will ever be, is found in the word of God. Open it up. Highlight, underline, memorize the beautiful truths He rejoices over you. Pin them on your wall. Hang them on your mirrors. Post them in your car. Write them on your hearts. It is time to claim the heritage that has so freely been given to us. 

Sometimes I wonder what our lives would look like if they were fixated on the beauty of heaven. If we truly lived our lives in alignment with heaven I think we would care less about what people thought of us and would care more about what Jesus thought of us. We would step off our man-made pedestals and fight battles for the kingdom of heaven. Oh, how desperately I want that. I want to be known as a warrior who fought for the salvation of His people. I want to be known as someone who's love runs deep. I want to be known as someone who spends more time on her knees before the throne of God than time spent worrying over what people thought of me. I want to be known as someone who embodies the Spirit of the living God. 

I want you to hear these sweet words being poured over you by Jesus Christ himself. He says, 

But you, my daughter, are chosen, you are a royal priesthood, a holy nation, you are my father's special possession. 1 Peter 2:9 (emphasis added)

We serve a beautiful God who relentlessly pursues us. He chooses us. Even when we choose everything except Him, he chooses us. You and me. Forever. He will never stop choosing us. Did you hear that? Our acceptance within the kingdom is eternal. His love for us will never run dry. Our wells, in Him, will always be full. But we must, in return, choose Him. 

Then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into a desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from captivity in Egypt. Hosea 2:14-15 

I will win her back once again. He gently and tenderly whispers the same to us. Some days I relate more to Israel than I like to admit. God has rescued me more times than I can count. I have seen his miracles within my life and his faithfulness has been more than evidently shown. You know those moment that have no explanation except, God. And yet, I still choose other loves. I still, after his rescuing, will turn and run the other way. But every time I run, he whispers, I will win her back once again. 

Here is the beauty of Jesus revealed in the midst of rejection: when the world rejects us, He embraces us within His arms. When we feel un-loved, He covers us with His endless love. When we feel un-wanted, He reveals to us our purpose and place within His family. He is and will forever be our dearest and most loyal friend. 

So, rise up mighty warrior for you are a chosen priesthood. An heir to the kingdom of the most mighty King. Rejection hurts, but don't let it defeat you. Don't allow yourself to believe the lies of Satan. Proclaim the truths of Jesus when the battle rises. Put on your armor and be ready for battle. 

Have more dance parties. Roll the windows down and don't be afraid to sing. Put on the baiting suit. Wear the dress. Go on the blind date. Send the text. Order the guac. And go back for seconds. Don't settle. Fight for what you deserve. Daughters, hear my prayer, let us not live a life out of fear. I want you to walk..no, I want you to run into a life of wholly acceptance in Jesus. You are and will forever be enough for the King. And His acceptance is the only one we will ever need. 

More than Enough

Enough.

Enough—forever we will be.

Dearly beloved, you are enough. 

I forget my own worth more than I like to admit. I am good at pouring bounds of affirmation over those who surround me. I am good at seeing the incredible worth and value my dear friends hold. Though, oh so often, I forget to whom I belong. I forget my own worth and my own value. And because of this, I am constantly doubting myself. I doubt that I am good enough. For myself and others. Lies. Silly lies, spoken out of anger and hurt, have spent years defining me. Here is where I rise. Here is where I stand, with my flag of surrender raised high in the air, proclaiming my never wavering identity in Christ.

Oh, dearly beloved. Hear these words loud and clear. Yell them loud for the world to hear–you are enough. Again. You are enough. The next time you look in the mirror see, clearly, the grace that has been lavished upon you. See the image of the Creator himself that has been poured into you. See the love. The incredible and immeasurable love that has been so undeservingly given to you. See your worth. See your value. Hold tightly to the truth because you are and will always be enough. 

Hear me when I say, I am speaking to myself. I can be, regrettably, critical of the person who stares back at me. I have become too good at putting myself up as the target while attacking with words of shame and self-doubt. I have become too good at waking up in the mornings and tearing myself apart until there is nothing left to pull. I am awkward, messy, silly, and weird. I talk too much and my life, well, it is a constant mess. I am broken and damaged. And I often wonder who could ever love a girl like me?

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3

Jesus sees every part of our lives. He sees the messy, broken, and scattered pieces. He sees the imperfections and faults we try so desperately to hide. Jesus, my beautiful Jesus, sees us in the complete fullness in which we were created. He is relentlessly pursuing and forever wooing us with His endless love. In the depths of the trenches, He bends down and gently cups our face within his hands. He leans in and tenderly whispers, “my beloved, you are more than enough for me”.

“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you. In his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing” Zephaniah 3:17

Get ready. Stand firm. Clothe yourself in His truth. Victory over insecurity is coming!

You are enough because you are His.

“From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.” Psalm 61:2-4

Humans of Oklahoma

"My mother and daddy eloped. My grandparents, both sets, did everything they could to keep that from happening. They knew my mother and daddy wanted to get married so one evening both of their mothers decided to take a little ride into the country. During that time, they worked it all out deciding that their children would not get married.  Shortly after my daddy drove to get my mother so they could go on what was supposed to be a little drive. They drove all the way up to Medford, a tiny little town about 2 hours away and got married by Justice of the Peace. Then after they got married they drove back and daddy dropped her back off. He was in the army and she was a teacher. During that time teachers were not supposed to be married. Jane Monks, now 98 years old, kept their marriage license in hiding making sure no one could find it. She was the only one at that time who knew they got married." Ada, Oklahoma

Identity in Christ: Waiting on Prince Charming

When I was a little girl I would always dream of the magical day on which I would get married. I would dress up in long fancy dresses and hum quietly to the tune, “here comes the bride”. One foot in front of the other I would stumble down, what I had imagined to be, a long beautiful isle surrounded by my closest family and friends. As I walked down, flowers flying out into the crowds before me, I quickly approached my very own prince charming. He was handsome and strong and very much resembled Prince Phillip for any of you Sleeping Beauty fans. For years, I had found myself dreaming of this day. Today, my dream looks a bit different than that of when I was five but the longing and desire is still, very much, in my soul.

I have enough love stories to keep you all here for hours. Each one holding a special place in my heart. I believe that is because I love people so deeply. I really and truly mean that. I love people unlike I have ever loved anything else of this earthly realm. More than I love technology. More than I love fashion. Even more than I love tacos (y’all, that is a lot). From boyfriends, to friends, to strangers on the street, I have given a part of myself to each and every one of them. 

A few years ago, I dated a wonderful boy for two years of my life. It was a good two years, filled with memories that I still dearly hold close to me. One night, I remember so vividly, taking these beautiful hand-made quilts outside and spreading them out as neatly as we knew how. We laid upon the bright patterned quilts for hours upon hours. As the stars hung high above us, we laid underneath telling stories of this life we had walked through and lived out together. We laughed and we (more like I) cried and we laughed until we cried. And then, for a still moment, there was silence. In that moment, I remember wishing the stars to stay and the sun not to rise because I didn't want this moment to end. But the stars began to fade and the sun began to rise and the night became what is now just a memory. 

While these two years, with an amazing boy, were filled with a lot of beauty, they were also filled with a lot of hurt. I found myself putting an identity that should have been rooted in Christ into an imperfect and flawed boy. He was great in many ways but was also merely human. The expectations I held him to were unrealistic and I often found him falling short of the affirmation I needed him to give me. When he would call me tired after a long day at work and not laugh at a joke I subtly told, I believed the lie that I wasn't funny enough for him. When I would fix my makeup and hair only for him to never notice would cause me to get insecure and doubt that I was beautiful enough for him. When I had a bad day at work or school I would come home and fight for his affirmation and attention. I needed, so desperately, for him to tell me I was good enough for him. I needed him to tell me I was funny, and beautiful and smart enough for him. I needed him to affirm everything that Christ has already affirmed. Can you begin to see the damage these lies can so often cause? 

Our identities were not meant to be put in that of this world. I left this relationship because I had become hurt and damaged by the uncertainty of not knowing who I was outside of him. I wrapped my identity so tightly around this boy and who he said I was, I lost all grasp on who I, truly in the deep of my core, was: A beautiful and beloved daughter. When we put our identities in our relationships or in our friends, we will always—every. single. time. —be let down. Our identity was made to firmly stand in Christ. When it is placed in anything else it becomes wavering and unsteady. And, when our identities waver and become unsteady it causes insecurity and doubt to build up within us. We begin to doubt the truth that Christ tenderly calls us to. We begin to doubt His promises and His goodness. The truth is, there is no other being on this earth that could ever affirm our worth and value the way that Christ does for us. He chose us, in the outpouring of love, before the earth was ever put into motion. Before the stars were placed in the sky and land placed perfectly on the ground, he chose us, you and I, to be a part of his family. He calls us each by name to enter His home and dwell with Him forever. Daughters, keep standing firm in His truth. Deny satan the ability to come in and steal, kill, and destroy our hope and promise in Jesus. The day is quickly coming when we will enter the courts of heaven and be home at last. While it may not be Prince Phillip who is coming for my rescue, the Prince of beautiful and glorious Peace has promised his return to rescue me and he promises the same to you. Soon, He will swoop us up as he carries us home. He will wipe every tear from our eyes and mend every broken heart. And so, my challenge for us this week is to live every day in the hope of Jesus making way for the return of our Prince. 

P.S.- I still do this pose 99.9% of the time when I walk in a room, some things never change.  

You Are Enough

I can't name the last time I confidently wore a bathing suit. I have spent the past 22 years wrestling with the overwhelming feeling that I am not enough. I allowed the lies that Satan placed in my heart to become truths I believed about myself.  I am not enough. I am not pretty enough. Skinny enough. Funny enough. Smart enough. And these lies, these awful and ugly lies, began to sink in and control the way I interacted with those around me. I let my insecurities interfere with relationship and the investment in those around me.

Today I want to share with you a truth that Christ tenderly whispers into each and every one of our souls: you are enough for me. I am a beloved daughter of Christ. I am cherished beyond all measure. The Creator of the entire universe used His creativity to form my innermost being. He knitted me together forming me in my own perfect uniqueness. He looks upon me and sees beauty and worth and calls me His own. Ladies, when we realize how dearly God loves us we will find ourselves beginning to love ourselves. Not in a prideful or boastful way but, instead, we will begin to see ourselves through His eyes. No number on the scale or size jeans will make Jesus love us any more than He already does.

This weekend I had the opportunity to practice the renewal of mind as I sought to see myself just as Christ sees me. A beautiful masterpiece for who He calls His beloved. I am nothing but lovely in the eyes of Christ. So, I put on my once dreaded swimwear and spent an afternoon of complete and utter joy with friends whom I love so dearly.

So for those of you who find yourself dreading summer. For those who are constantly sitting on the sidelines due to fear of judgment. For those of you who are constantly in need of affirmation from this world. First and foremost, I know and I am here with you. Secondly, let's stop, you and I, giving Satan power He doesn't deserve. Let's love more. Live more. Laugh more. Sing more. Run more. Play more. And simply, in the beautiful name of Jesus, be more. Jesus calls us to more. So let's take this calling and run fearlessly into a life of abundance in Christ.

Carley Michelle Netherton

Fifteen years. Fifteen years filled with countless hours of practice and discipline, finding bits and pieces of herself along the way. I sat speechless as she played through each song with such elegance and power. As music filled the room, my eyes filled to the brim with tears, amazed at the beautiful woman my sister has become.

At four years old, my sister, began a beautiful journey that has led her to where she is today. Music has become this haven of safety. A place where she can come and pour her heart out into some of the most moving and beautiful pieces I have ever heard. Carley is now a sophomore in college and has wonderful dreams and aspirations for her future. “I want to use my music to help someone.”

She continued on to tell me about the different stories of all the composers she has played for. I found in her words that there is something about music that seems to heal each and every person’s soul. It allows people to tell beautiful and equally hard stories of their journeys without ever having to use words. Just simply music. We see it in past composers and we see it in students and composers of today. “For example,” says Carley, “Beethoven's music is very dark and twisty because he lived a very dark childhood. With every composer, as you play their music, their stories come to life. You can tell what their life was like or different things they faced along the way. You can look back and think, ‘Oh, he wrote this when he was nine and was being forced to play so he could make money for his family.’ It puts the music into perspective and gives us a glimpse into what was their reality.”

Throughout the years Carley has had the opportunity to learn and play many songs. Each one holding purpose and meaning in her life from the different stages she was in at the time. Last year, at her spring recital, she got to play a song that would, to this day, hold a special place in her heart. Our dad performed The Ocean by Christiani when he was in high school. From the time Carley began playing our grandma would take her back to look at the music in hopes that one day she would be playing this same exact piece. “I remember it always looking so hard and thinking I would never be able to play it.” says Carley. Our grandma continued to encourage her throughout high school but Carley always felt like she wasn’t quite ready. When she enrolled at East Central University this piece, that has been her grandmothers dream for years to hear her play, was passed on to her piano teacher. Carley's teacher took her step by step through the piece and stood by her side as she began to learn what at once seemed impossible. The whole time she was learning the piece she kept it a secret from our dad and grandma until the day she would perform it in front of many. “They got the paper and saw that I was playing The Ocean and my grandma almost started crying.”

Carley dreams of opening her own studio to teach children to love something that has always been there for her. Music. When asked what advice she would those just getting started she said, “My first piece of advice would be to practice. Also, go to lessons even if you didn't practice as much one week. There's so much wisdom and help your teachers can give you that you don't want to miss out on. My last piece of advice would be, everything is hard before it is easy. You can get where you want to go with enough motivation and practice.” 

A Month of Memories

 My dear friends. I have officially been in Rwanda for an entire month. I keep praying that time would slow down, but instead I feel like it is slipping at my fingers way too quickly. I have found myself cherishing every moment I have left in this beautiful country. So much has been happening in this one short month that I have found it hard to sit down and tell you all about it. So, that is exactly what this post will be. All about my experiences, discoveries, things I have learned, joys and hardships that I have faced along the way.

They call Rwanda, “The land of a thousand hills”, which perfectly describes what I have seen. I am surrounded by rolling green valleys and mountains (or hills as they call them) that still manage to take my breath away. This tiny country, that I almost missed on a map, is filled with over 10 million people. You walk out your front door and are instantly moved by the beauty: Women balancing baskets of fruit on their heads. Tiny babies tied onto their mother's backs. Sugar canes balanced on the back of bikes. Motos weaving in and out of traffic. Colorful shops lining the streets with music and dancing filling your ears. This is where I find beauty. This is where I stand in awe of God. So many cultures. So many countries. So many languages. Each so different and diverse. And yet, we find ourselves united together through the power of Christ.

A couple of weeks ago I went to view the Genocide Memorial. In 1994, twenty-two years ago, Rwanda experienced one of the worst genocides in modern history. Close to 800,000 people were killed in only 100 days. Mothers. Fathers. Daughters. Sons. Innocent Children. All having their lives taken from them. As I walked through, I felt my body start to go numb. No words can adequately explain the emotions I experienced that day. As I stood and stared at the hundreds of skulls and bones that lined the room, my heart completely broke for this country. As I quickly proceeded to the next room, in fear of completely losing it, I looked up to find walls covered in pictures of those who had lost their lives in this terrible war.  Family photos. Wedding pictures. Husband and wives. Grandparents and grandchildren. All gone. I remember thinking this has to be it. There can't be anything worse than this. That is when I reached the room completely dedicated to the innocent children who lost their lives. The room is covered in pictures and stories like sweet little David.

David, age 10, loved futball and wanted to become a doctor when he grew up. His last words were, “UNAMIR (U.N.) will come for us." Tortured to death.

I felt so much hurt, pain, anger, and confusion rush through my body. This is was someone's son. Someone’s daughter. This was someone’s family. Someone’s neighbor. Someone’s friend. Someone’s loved one, now just a memory. How does one comprehend a tragedy like this? I couldn't. I don't know that I ever will. One thing I do know is that Christ’s grace is sufficient. I can see that as I stand in the midst of what used to be a battle zone. I can see it as I watch a country that was destroyed by power rise up again from the dust. It has only been 22 years. Most of the people I know were alive during this time and yet I see them moving forward in ways I could never imagine. Rwanda has healed in ways that is only possible through the love and grace of Christ. So I praise Jesus for the healing and rebuilding that continues in this beautiful country.

One way I have seen God at work here in Rwanda is through the bible studies led with the DuHope women. Last week I started studying the bible with the DuHope women on Monday and Tuesday mornings. We are going through the Old Testament in search of better understanding the character and nature of God. I was so nervous when I was first asked to do this that I almost said no. Now, the time I get to study with them has become one of my greatest blessings. I get to witness them search deep within their souls and ask tough questions. I get to witness them talk openly about their own journey with God. I get to witness their struggles and their joys. I get to witness the power of God as I watch Him work through each and every one of their lives. I always tell them, “I am in this journey with you.” I often find myself without the answers or the right words to say and I think that is the beauty of this time we have together. I prayed that this would be a time where we could be ourselves. A time where didn't have to act like we have it all together. A time filled with honesty and truth. And that is just what it has become and more.

Another way I have seen God at work is through the new friendships he has created. Amy and Arianna have been such an incredible blessing to my life. They came to Rwanda from South Dakota to do an summer internship with Belay. These girls feel like family. They have been my rocks. Being in a new culture and environment has its peaks and valleys, and these girls have been by my side through it all. Through the tears and laughter. Anger and joy. Confusion and hurt. They have been with me every step of the way. We have made so many memories together that will last me a lifetime. It is not the extravagant ones that l hold closest to my heart, (although I do cherish those as well) it is the hours spent in coffee shops and restaurants where we share our testimonies, the things we have learned through the struggles we have faced, and the outpouring of love through it all. These are the moments I find myself clenching onto ever so tightly and never wanting to let go. I could sit here and write about all the other friendships I have made in this month, but I don’t have the time or paper space to do that, so I will save that for the next post. Just know, through every friendship comes blessings. And through every blessing, I am reminded once again of the goodness and faithfulness of our King.

This weekend I got to go outside of Kigali and be a part in some really neat things with Amy and Arianna. On Friday, we went out to a local village and volunteered at the school, Top Care Academy. There is just something about being in the midst of God’s children that uplifts and fills the soul. That is exactly what was happening this weekend. God was working deep in the depths of my soul as I was surrounded by His beautiful children. We spent the morning teaching English to primary classes one, two and three. The kids were amazing! After teaching English, all the classes gathered into a room and put on performances for us. They danced and sang many songs for us that ended up bringing tears to the brim of my eyes. The children, filled with such innocence and complete joy. Oh, dear Jesus! This is what He was talking about. As I watched them run and dance and sing with not a worry in the world I suddenly thought of Jesus. In Matthew 18, Jesus says these beautiful and powerful words. “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” I want that. As I watched the children and the love and joy they had I found myself longing for just that. I found myself longing for their innocence. I found myself longing for their unconditional love. I found myself longing for their overflowing joy. Oh, the beauty of children and the beautiful promises we are reminded of through them.

Saturday we went to the opposite side of Kigali to meet a man who was very special to Amy and Arianna. These girls are students at a University in South Dakota called, Dakota Wesleyan. Their professor adopted her daughter, Espy, from Rwanda. When Espy was born, she was abandoned in lowly ditch in the middle of the night. A man named Ettiene was walking home when he heard a faint cry. He didn't know whether it was an animal or a human so he froze and listened carefully. When he thought it might be a person, he followed the cries off the woven path to find a new born baby with the umbilical cord still attached. He wrapped the baby in a towel he had in his bag and ran her to the hospital, carrying her the whole way. Ettiene cared for this baby, but didn't have the resources or money to keep taking care of her. He had a newborn baby of his own to care for, so he took her to an orphanage and visited her often. Amy and Arianna are very close to Espy and their professor who adopted her, so it was so special for them to get to visit the man who saved her life. Ettiene talked about finding Espy and you could hear the love and care he still had for her after all these years. We ate and sang and danced and celebrated the blessing of new friendships. This weekend was filled with so much joy and hope. I keep finding Jesus everywhere I go and am reminded of his constant faithfulness.

Ways you can be Praying:

• Pray for the DuHope women. Pray that they would continue to open up and be receptive to the grace that Christ brings. Pray that they would continue to move towards accepting Him into their lives.
• Pray that as my time here in Rwanda nears the end, I would seek Jesus is everything I do, His light would be shown and His glory revealed. Pray that relationships will continue to be built and God’s love will continue to be poured over all I come in contact.
• Pray for Belay as they prepare to launch their next entrepreneurship training in July. They are in the middle of trying to raise all the funds needed to make it happen. Women are lined up waiting for this training in hopes of bettering their futures.
• Pray for Rwanda as a whole, that God’s love would be shown throughout the entire city.

Pictures:

Teaching English to the students

Students at Top Care Academy



One of the many "hill" in Rwanda

More Kids at Top Care

Ettiene's Family

Birthday celebration with sweet friends

Amy, Henery,Arianna, Me and Ettiene's daughters