Some people are just a natural Joseph. No matter how low
life gets they continue trusting in God whole-heartedly. If you are like me that may be harder
for you. For me, it is easy to say I trust God until I face a sudden curve in
the road that challenges and puts my faith to the ultimate test. It is easy for
me to say I trust God but it is a lot harder for me to surrender my life at the
feet of Christ and say, “Here is my life. It is yours”.
This time last year I
never imagined I would be back home. I had my life perfectly planned out. That
was, until, all my plans fell apart. I was lost. I was confused. I didn’t know
what to do. Everything suddenly… changed. I am officially 20 and while all of
the people my age have apartments and have started lives of their own; I am
living at home off of my parent’s money. Most of my friends are in their 2nd
year of college and know exactly what they do. I have not been to college and I
have no idea what I want to do. I used to go to church on Sunday’s and
Wednesday’s and leave crying because everything was different. I am at this
stage of life where honestly, nothing seems to make sense. I tell you this not
so you will feel bad for me or judge me but instead, because it is real. My
place of security is now the place I feel most insecure. My life that was
perfectly planned out is now completely uncertain. In the midst of the all
these things and changes in my life there is one thing remains and that is God
and the plan he has for me.
This past week I got to go and be a couselor at a
camp in Missouri my church has been going to for the past few years, Ne-O-Tez.
The theme this year was Spiritual Warfare and we focused a lot on the ways that
Satan works in our lives and deceives us. I honestly think me being there
during this time in my life was a God thing because all the things I kept
hearing over and over were things I was currently dealing with in my life. When
I left AIM I suddenly had this mindset that I had failed. That I had failed my
family, my friends, myself, and even God. I became bitter and my relationship
with God was starting to slowly crumble. I was becoming so hard on myself I
started to hate the person I saw in the mirror every morning. Again, I say this
not so you will feel bad or judge me but because this was REAL the battle I was
fighting everyday. Satan was at war in my life and I was letting him win. I
spent a lot of time in prayer and just searching for God. Searching for guidance
and direction. That is when everything suddenly started coming together.
Before
I took my first breath of air God knew what my entire life would look like. You
see, when I feel lost and don’t know where I am going; God is leading me to
where I am supposed to be. When my plans suddenly fall apart that is when God’s
plan is coming together. When I feel insecure and out of place, it is God going
showing me that I am putting my security in all the wrong things. Being home
has not been an easy road. It has been filled with many tears, hurt, doubt,
bitterness, loneliness, feelings of failure and uncertainty. But, it has also
given me the chance search beneath all of these feelings and truly find myself.
Sometimes, it is hard for me to understand the way God works but I do
understand that whatever he may be doing it is far greater than anything I
could ever imagine. So praise God for change; it has opened my eyes to a whole
new perspective on life. Praise God for hard times; it has taught me to rely on
Him more than I have ever needed. Praise God for insecurities; it is a reminder
where my true security comes from. Praise God for the constant love and
faithfulness He showers upon us. I pray that this week I will have peace
knowing that God is in control for the battle belong to Him.
