week one

Oh, my dear friends. It has already been one week in Rwanda and my heart is so incredibly full. Wednesday morning I got to spend time with the Belay Staff as we retreated to a nearby lake in search of guidance from our Father as they take on a new year. These women. Each so full of passion. Their love for the women they work with. Their desire to bring each one to better and fuller lives. This is why my heart is absolutely overflowing. I have never seen a love so profound and vast. I get to work with these women. I get to watch them dream. Bigger than I could ever imagine. How is it possible I get to be a small part in this journey? This beautiful journey that God has set out before them.

Before Wednesday I was exhausted. Jet-lag had overtaken my body as I rested and watched movies all day long. I was tired and felt so inadequate. Satan. He comes in and attacks at my weakest moments. Ladies, I felt weak. I missed my family and friends. The culture was so different. I felt like I just didn’t fit. Can I just take a moment and let you know Satan didn’t win. Wednesday I experienced something like never before. As I spent the morning in prayer I suddenly realized my immeasurable inadequacy and that is when I found this calming peace. I am inadequate but Christ is not. When I see my words as not simply mine but His, what do I have to fear. When I put my life in the hands of Jesus all I can do is follow. I don’t have the wisdom or the experience to know how to give these girls what they need. Jesus does! How amazing is that. We don’t have to carry this weight of perfection and knowledge. All I need to do is get down on my knees and he will lead me. So I laid all the fears Satan had planted in my heart at the foot of the cross and I have never felt more confident in where I should be. Here.

These women that I have only known for one week feel like they have been a part of my life for so many years. They feel like family. I love them and see such value and worth in each and every one of their souls. Gabbie, this girl is so full of life and has better style than most Americans. She is the Rwanda Program Director. Gabbie has such a passion and love for helping the women she works with and their children. Pauline is so quiet and yet I feel this deeper connection with her. Pauline is not only is in charge of the finances of Belay but all the beautiful jewelry you bought from the DuHope women, Pauline designed. Monday she took me through the steps of how the fringe necklaces are made. She is absolutely amazing! Lise is the Business Development Director of Belay. She is really quiet and more reserved but when she speaks, you hear her love for what she does. She acknowledges the need for entrepreneur trainings and wants to do everything in her power to get these women on their feet, providing for themselves. And Jamie, this woman is absolutely inspiring. She has been such a blessing to not only work with but to learn from. I love sitting and listening to her tell me more and more of her journey and all the things she has learned along the way. I admire her, more than she knows. It takes such strength and love and passion to do what she does everyday. To see what she sees. To hear what she hears. To feel what she feels. This is her life. These women mean everything to her. You can see it in her eyes as she talks about them. Gabbie. Pauline. Lise. Rachel. Each so precious to her. One night as we were sitting in her living room she looked at me and said these powerful words, “I can never stop fighting for these women.” After spending one day with them I finally understood why. These ladies are already such big parts of my life. I want to join in this fight. And I want you to join with me. 

Anything

“I will do anything…anything!”  

I prayed this prayer in the middle of my bedroom floor with tears streaming down my face. You would have thought someone had died. I was sobbing. It was uncontrollable. Tears, they just kept coming. I was crying the ugliest of ugly cries because I was so in awe of Jesus and the love he has for us. I was so in love with Jesus that I wanted to do anything…anything.

A few weeks ago I started reading Anything by Jennie Allen. I love to read. It is something I truly enjoy. Some people can spend hours upon hours upon hours watching Neflix, (I am included in this category) but if there is anything I love more than Netfix, it is reading. It gets me, deep inside my soul. I get lost in the pages that are filled with adventure and hope and somewhere in the midst of it all I find my healing. So, I picked up this book and started away, unaware of how God was going to completely shatter my comfortable life. Jennie Allen has become my fan-girl Christian author. Her words are real. They are so real it hurts. I think that is why I adore her writing. I get it. Suddenly the words I am reading become God speaking directly to me. It’s uncomfortable. It’s challenging. Despite the hardships that you are bound to face, it’s worth every moment.

When I was sobbing through these words of turning my life over to Christ, I made the decision to die to myself. If heaven becomes real and Christ becomes real then suddenly all the earthly things we put up on our man-made pedestals don’t matter anymore.

Approval.

Acceptance.

Success.

Social Status.

Politics.

If heaven becomes real, then suddenly none of the things mentioned hold measure in our hearts. If heaven becomes real, then suddenly the approval of other women no longer holds power in our lives. If heaven is real, then suddenly the chains of our past, that have become heavy upon our shoulders, are broken and the weight is suddenly lifted. If heaven is real then we should be spending every second, every breath, every moment of our lives doing what God has intended for us. Heaven is real. Christ is real. So the question is, are we ready? Ladies, I no longer want to live a safe and normal life. I want to be a danger to the kingdom of the enemy. I want to face Jesus at the gates of Heaven and know I did everything He asked me to do. So I had to make the decision. I made the decision to lay my life, as broken and messy as it is, at the feet of my perfect and precious Savior. I traded my ashes for the beautiful life he has planned out for me… a life more abundant and free than I could ever comprehend.

I find myself constantly going back to the story of Mary. Can you imagine? Can you imagine the day Gabriel came and gave her the news? The news that would forever change her life. The news that informed her that she was going to become pregnant. But not just that, she was going to be carrying the Son of God in her womb and she would become his earthly mother. Really try and picture this. She was engaged. She had a life perfectly planned out for her and her soon to be husband Joseph. This is what every girl dreams about and it was at the tips of her fingers. The wedding. The home. The kids. Becoming a mother to the Son of God out of wedlock was not a part of the life she had so perfectly planned out. And yet this is how she responds:

My soul magnifies the Lord,

And my Spirit rejoices in God my Savior!

for he has looked on the normal estate of his servant.

For, behold from now on all generations will call me blessed;

for he who is mighty has done great things for me,

and holy is His name.

And His mercy is for those who fear Him

From generation to generation. (Luke 1:46-50)

Mary fully understood that this life we are living is temporary. She understood that Heaven is real and therefore the sufferings and pain she might endure didn’t consume her life. She was honored and quite overjoyed to get to be a part of God’s eternal plan. She could have said no. If her mind was set on earthly treasures and not that of heaven, she might have been more hesitant. This is her fiancé, her family, her friends. She risked everything for the kingdom of Heaven. Oh, how my heart wants this. I want a life that is so fixated on the beauty of Heaven that I can freely sacrifice everything I have to give. Jesus I will do anything. But not just that, to give everything I have with complete and utter joy.

It can be terrifying when you decide to give everything to Jesus. Everything you have worked for. Everything you have lived for. The seemingly perfect life you have worked so hard to build. You are giving God complete rule over your life. You are letting go of the reigns and following where he leads you. I don’t want to pretend like praying this prayer was easy. I am not going to pretend like I didn’t have my doubts. When I sat in my bedroom floor I kept questioning what it could mean if I prayed this prayer.

“What if anything means losing my friends?”

“What if anything means I never get married?”

 “What if anything means leaving the place I am most comfortable?”

 “What if anything means I lose everything?”  

And suddenly, in the midst of my fear and doubt, I heard the tender whisper of God calling me into relationship with Him.

“My daughter, do not be afraid, for I am with you.

Don’t be discouraged for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you.

I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

(Isaiah 41:10)

I fell to my knees in complete awe and wonder as I prayed the prayer that would forever changed my life. So now, this is where you come into play.

Are you ready to surrender your comfortable life and follow Jesus?

Are you ready to follow as he leads you to the life he always had planned for you? Are you ready to do absolutely anything?

Each of our anythings will be different. Just as God created us beautifully different in the womb, he has created our purposes just as beautifully different. Your anything may include

Adoption

Selling your home

Moving to a third-world country

Humility

Starting a bible study

Reaching out to your neighbor

Going on a mission trip

This list could go on and on. I expected my anythings to be big and flashy like packing up all my stuff and moving to Africa. Instead, I have found most of my anythings in the simple and quiet moments. That does not mean some of your anythings won’t be big changes. We serve a big God who has big plans for our lives. I say this because each of our gifts are uniquely different and the plans God has for us are so different. The beauty in this is each is equally important to the kingdom of Heaven. We each have such different but vital roles when it comes to our Fathers Kingdom. So as he starts to reveal your anything, I pray instead of comparing it to everyone else you will realize the beautiful and imperative role God has placed in your hands. I can’t wait to hear the beautiful stories that come from the beautiful prayer of surrender.