When I was a little girl I would always dream of the magical day on which I would get married. I would dress up in long fancy dresses and hum quietly to the tune, “here comes the bride”. One foot in front of the other I would stumble down, what I had imagined to be, a long beautiful isle surrounded by my closest family and friends. As I walked down, flowers flying out into the crowds before me, I quickly approached my very own prince charming. He was handsome and strong and very much resembled Prince Phillip for any of you Sleeping Beauty fans. For years, I had found myself dreaming of this day. Today, my dream looks a bit different than that of when I was five but the longing and desire is still, very much, in my soul.
I
have enough love stories to keep you all here for hours. Each one holding a
special place in my heart. I believe that is because I love people so deeply. I
really and truly mean that. I love people unlike I have ever loved anything
else of this earthly realm. More than I love technology. More than I love fashion. Even
more than I love tacos (y’all, that is a lot). From boyfriends, to friends, to
strangers on the street, I have given a part of myself to each and every one of
them.
A
few years ago, I dated a wonderful boy for two years of my life. It was a good
two years, filled with memories that I still dearly hold close to me. One
night, I remember so vividly, taking these beautiful hand-made quilts outside
and spreading them out as neatly as we knew how. We laid upon the bright
patterned quilts for hours upon hours. As the stars hung high above us, we laid
underneath telling stories of this life we had walked through and lived out
together. We laughed and we (more like I) cried and we laughed until we cried.
And then, for a still moment, there was silence. In that moment, I remember
wishing the stars to stay and the sun not to rise because I didn't want this
moment to end. But the stars began to fade and the sun began to rise and the
night became what is now just a memory.
While
these two years, with an amazing boy, were filled with a lot of beauty, they
were also filled with a lot of hurt. I found myself putting an identity that
should have been rooted in Christ into an imperfect and flawed boy. He was
great in many ways but was also merely human. The expectations I held him to
were unrealistic and I often found him falling short of the affirmation I
needed him to give me. When he would call me tired after a long day at work and
not laugh at a joke I subtly told, I believed the lie that I wasn't funny
enough for him. When I would fix my makeup and hair only for him to never notice would
cause me to get insecure and doubt that I was beautiful enough for him. When I had a
bad day at work or school I would come home and fight for his affirmation and
attention. I needed, so desperately, for him to tell me I was good enough for him. I needed him to
tell me I was funny, and beautiful and smart enough for him. I needed him to
affirm everything that Christ has already affirmed. Can you begin to see the damage
these lies can so often cause?
Our
identities were not meant to be put in that of this world. I left this
relationship because I had become hurt and damaged by the uncertainty of not
knowing who I was outside of him. I wrapped my identity so tightly around this
boy and who he said I was, I lost all grasp on who I, truly in the deep of my
core, was: A beautiful and beloved daughter. When we put our identities in our
relationships or in our friends, we will always—every. single. time. —be let
down. Our identity was made to firmly stand in Christ. When it is placed in
anything else it becomes wavering and unsteady. And, when our identities waver and
become unsteady it causes insecurity and doubt to build up within us. We begin
to doubt the truth that Christ tenderly calls us to. We begin to doubt His
promises and His goodness. The truth is, there is no other being on this earth that could ever
affirm our worth and value the way that Christ does for us. He chose us, in the
outpouring of love, before the earth was ever put into motion. Before the stars
were placed in the sky and land placed perfectly on the ground, he chose us,
you and I, to be a part of his family. He calls us each by name to enter His home
and dwell with Him forever. Daughters, keep standing firm in His truth.
Deny satan the ability to come in and steal, kill, and destroy our hope and
promise in Jesus. The day is quickly coming when we will enter the courts of
heaven and be home at last. While it may not be Prince Phillip who is coming for my rescue, the Prince of beautiful and glorious Peace has promised his return to rescue me and he promises the same to you. Soon, He will swoop us up as he carries us home. He will wipe every tear from our eyes and mend every broken heart. And so, my challenge for us this week is to live every day in the hope of Jesus making way for the return of our Prince.
P.S.- I still do this pose 99.9% of the time when I
walk in a room, some things never change.
